Home

Lucy, I'm home! :) Yep, I'm home from New Orleans. Wow... it's hard to describe my experience there (mostly because I'm still REALLY tired; we got home around 10:15 last night) but it's also hard to describe because it was just such a great experience that it's hard to put into words, but I'll try my best. Right now, I'm at home (had to come feed my kitty, and I'll explain why later) and I'm eating chocolate/vanilla twist ice cream (yes, this is my lunch, don't judge me.) First of all, can I just take this moment to tell you how beautiful New Orleans is? Yeah, I'm sure that's not everyone's first thought when they think of New Orleans (especially after Katrina hit) but despite the fact that there is still a lot of homes and areas that are devastated from the hurricane, it's a very beautiful city. And now my ice cream is all gone... but I've got crackers and sweet tea now, so it's all good :)

We didn't actually get to stay in New Orleans, we stayed in a city that's close by, called Slidel (we stayed in a church there) and we went to work with a church in New Orleans called Vintage Church on Magazine street (it's in a building above a gym.) We all split up into groups and went and did various things, like handing out water bottles down by the piers and docks, or going around to different stores and shops and asking if they needed help with anything at all (like washing windows, sweeping, cleaning, etc.) But before, in the mornings, we all went into different groups and did other things in the area. We had a group at a YMCA to play with the kids, a group go to a trailer park and do a VBS for the kids there, we had a group go around helping to fix buildings or do yard work for people, we had some stay at the church to help out, and we had a group go to a food pantry. That was the group I was in.

We went to a food pantry called the Samaritan Center. They were an organization that helped out people and families that were in desperate need of food, clothing or anything else (they had another store right next to the food pantry that handed out clothes, books, movies, even wedding dresses.) I mostly just helped out in the food pantry, which was fun for me because as a survivor of anorexia, I like to make sure people are well fed and have food. It's important to me that people, especially families with small children, are able to have good food to live.

I also got to know some people better. I'm just going to admit it right now: I judge people. And I'm not proud of that, since I'm always saying how I don't want people to judge me, which makes it even worse. God really pointed it out to me while I was talking trash about some people that I didn't even know. Amazing how God works that way sometimes.

Man, I'm so tired... we got back to the church around 10:15 and then I came over to my Sunday School teacher's house, because my parents are in Oklahoma for a wedding for my cousin (hence why I had to go home and feed my kitty.) They are coming home tomorrow afternoon sometime, and I have to be at the church at 8 in the morning, because the college/high school ensemble is singing, along with the youth choir.

Turns out that the group that went to Indonesia came home today... and I thought they were coming home tomorrow. So I got to see Mark this evening, which was REALLY nice, despite the fact that we talked about something that I've been dreading and freaking out about, ever since we talked about it; we're going to sit down and discuss whether or not we want to continue dating, and if it's what God wants us to do. I'm really scared. I mean, I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY scared. I'm downright terrified, because I don't want to lose him. I want so much to keep this going, because he's the only guy who has ever been able to see past all of my ugly faults and flaws. He sees past the mask, the front that I put up to make the world think that I'm perfectly happy and that nothing is wrong. Mark sees the real me, and he accepts me. All of me. Yeah, our relationship isn't perfect, but then again I suppose NO relationship is ever perfect. And he actually, genuinely cares about me... and I really care about him. So, I suppose that means that if I really do care about him, and if we decide that our relationship isn't going to work out, then I should care about him enough to let him go.

Not as easy as it sounds, especially when we've gotten so close. I want to be with him; I want us to keep going, to keep growing closer and not only become better friends, but maybe even something more, something that I can't even imagine... something wonderful.

Okay, I think that's enough for now :) later, peoples!

Life, Love and Blueberries

Hey there! Me again :) So I'm leaving tomorrow morning for New Orleans. I'm half way done with my packing (just got a few things left to get together) and I'm currently sitting here, eating frozen blueberries (well... partially frozen blueberries. I stuck them in the microwave for 25 second so they weren't totally frozen) and drinking sweet tea (I am a Texan. Therefore, I like my tea sweet.) Mark is on his way to Indonesia. He left yesterday... and now I won't see him again until some time after he gets back (they are coming home August 1) and he is going to be a total ZOMBIE; there's a 12 hour time difference between us and Indonesia (for example. right now it is 1:21 pm. in Indonesia it's the same time... only 1:21 AM.) So yeah, he's gonna be pretty much dead when he first gets home. And it's a 26 hour flight to get there.

Want to know something really pathetic? It's only been a day and I already miss him :( And the thing is, I won't even get to talk to him on my cell, which means I more than likely won't be getting any texts from him. Yeah I know, I'll survive. But... I'm already starting to miss hearing his voice. He makes a great effort to call me every day and talk, even if it's just for a little while. And now I have to wait until he comes back to hear his voice :( Yes, call me sentimental, but I am going to miss his voice... and his eyes... and his face... and... oh heck with it, I'm gonna miss everything about him! But it will be nice to get away from everything for a little while. I REALLY need a change of scenery, and I desperately need to reconnect with God. So this trip will be good for me. And Mark told me to be praying for our relationship.

You see, Mark told me at the beginning of our relationship that come August we would sit down together and discuss whether we want to get serious or not. Some people would probably say that we're already serious, just because we've been dating for almost 7 months now, and we're really close. But I don't think so. I think we could be a lot closer, and I'm kind of nervous/excited for when he comes back. Nervous, because I don't want to lose him. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I care so much for him. I've even began to wonder if... maybe he's "the one" ya know? And then I have to tell myself to stop dreaming and get head down from the clouds and face reality. And I'm excited because I'll get to see him again :) and if we do decide to get serious... well, I don't think I need to explain why that would make me excited :)

And now my blueberries are gone... and I'm sad... oh well, I still got my sweet tea. Well, I should probably go. I need to shower and stuff, and then finish packing. So this will be my last post, until I get back next Friday. Bye for now! :) And please be praying for Mark, and my 2 other friends, Alyssa and Jared, and pray for everyone else that is in Indonesia. Thanks :)

Let The Insanity/Randomness Begin :)

Well hey there. And how are you on this fine Thursday afternoon? I'm just dandy, thanks for asking :) Sadly, I don't have much to talk about. Yeah, I know, I should have a lot to say, since it is summer after all, but my life hasn't been that exciting lately. I'm not going to take this time to tell you anything about myself (that's what my profile is for, and you'll get to know me more by reading this lovely little blogs of mine) but I will tell you what is going on for me right now. I'm currently sitting at home alone (except for my dad, but he's sleeping right now) drinking diet lemonade and eating pretzels, all the while also being on Facebook (not much activity happening there.) Yes, I know, I lead a very exciting and thrillifying life. But, the mundaneness is about to be over... well, for at least a week anyway. I'm about to embark on an adventure to an exotic destination... New Orleans. Yep, you heard me right, New Orleans. It's exotic for me because I've never been there, and the whole reason I'm going is because I'm going with my church's high schoolers on a mission trip. Now I have decided to stop eating the pretzels because they are starting to taste stale (and yes, that was a random comment and had nothing to do with what I was just talking about... deal with it.) Anyway, what was I saying... oh yeah, mission trip! I'll be there for about a week (coming home July 30, which is next Friday) and then I'll be staying at my Sunday School teacher's house for the weekend when I get back, because my parents will be in Oklahoma at a wedding for a cousin of mine. And while I'm in New Orleans, my boyfriend and 2 other friends of mine will be on a mission trip in Indonesia. Yes, you read that right, Indonesia.

I guess this is just one of the many things I like about Mark (his name is Mark, by the way.) He's not afraid to go to places where sharing his faith is slightly dangerous (emphasis on the slightly.) He's always ready to go wherever God leads him, even if it isn't safe or comfortable. And the most amazing thing about all of that is he is hypoglycemic, and if you know ANYTHING about that condition, then you know that he takes a big risk by traveling so much. He is quite the traveler, and has seen things many people have only seen in books, movies or TV. In many ways, I envy him; he's got the courage to go to other countries, while I just stay here in the good ol' USA (not that there's anything wrong with America, just sayin') and I get to be comfortable, while he's out there actually living a life that is worthy of the calling of a Christian. Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?

Wow... sorry about all of that. I guess I just needed to vent. Anyway, back to happier topics. Currently I'm involved in a summer Opera Workshop at my college. Now, I've never done opera before. I've never been in an opera before (thank goodness I'm not a major character) and I've never seen a lot of operas (unless you count Phantom of the Opera and Pirate of Penzance... the movie versions, of course.) And so far, I've enjoyed it... kind of. I mean, yeah, it's something to do and it keeps the boredom at bay mostly, but still... it's a pain in the neck. There's so much music and so many words... and we have 3 weeks until we open at the theater (one of those weeks in which I will not be at rehearsals, because I will be in New Orleans.) I've met some nice peoples, even though I don't know all of their names (at least, I don't know their real names, just their character names) and the more I go to rehearsal, the more I find myself enjoying it, little by little. I'm actually getting excited now for the shows. And Mark will be home in time to come see me :) oh happy day!

Well, I suppose I've written enough for one day. I'll probably write again tomorrow, since I won't be able to for a week. And when I get back, I'm quite certain I'll have a lot to write about :)