Home

Lucy, I'm home! :) Yep, I'm home from New Orleans. Wow... it's hard to describe my experience there (mostly because I'm still REALLY tired; we got home around 10:15 last night) but it's also hard to describe because it was just such a great experience that it's hard to put into words, but I'll try my best. Right now, I'm at home (had to come feed my kitty, and I'll explain why later) and I'm eating chocolate/vanilla twist ice cream (yes, this is my lunch, don't judge me.) First of all, can I just take this moment to tell you how beautiful New Orleans is? Yeah, I'm sure that's not everyone's first thought when they think of New Orleans (especially after Katrina hit) but despite the fact that there is still a lot of homes and areas that are devastated from the hurricane, it's a very beautiful city. And now my ice cream is all gone... but I've got crackers and sweet tea now, so it's all good :)

We didn't actually get to stay in New Orleans, we stayed in a city that's close by, called Slidel (we stayed in a church there) and we went to work with a church in New Orleans called Vintage Church on Magazine street (it's in a building above a gym.) We all split up into groups and went and did various things, like handing out water bottles down by the piers and docks, or going around to different stores and shops and asking if they needed help with anything at all (like washing windows, sweeping, cleaning, etc.) But before, in the mornings, we all went into different groups and did other things in the area. We had a group at a YMCA to play with the kids, a group go to a trailer park and do a VBS for the kids there, we had a group go around helping to fix buildings or do yard work for people, we had some stay at the church to help out, and we had a group go to a food pantry. That was the group I was in.

We went to a food pantry called the Samaritan Center. They were an organization that helped out people and families that were in desperate need of food, clothing or anything else (they had another store right next to the food pantry that handed out clothes, books, movies, even wedding dresses.) I mostly just helped out in the food pantry, which was fun for me because as a survivor of anorexia, I like to make sure people are well fed and have food. It's important to me that people, especially families with small children, are able to have good food to live.

I also got to know some people better. I'm just going to admit it right now: I judge people. And I'm not proud of that, since I'm always saying how I don't want people to judge me, which makes it even worse. God really pointed it out to me while I was talking trash about some people that I didn't even know. Amazing how God works that way sometimes.

Man, I'm so tired... we got back to the church around 10:15 and then I came over to my Sunday School teacher's house, because my parents are in Oklahoma for a wedding for my cousin (hence why I had to go home and feed my kitty.) They are coming home tomorrow afternoon sometime, and I have to be at the church at 8 in the morning, because the college/high school ensemble is singing, along with the youth choir.

Turns out that the group that went to Indonesia came home today... and I thought they were coming home tomorrow. So I got to see Mark this evening, which was REALLY nice, despite the fact that we talked about something that I've been dreading and freaking out about, ever since we talked about it; we're going to sit down and discuss whether or not we want to continue dating, and if it's what God wants us to do. I'm really scared. I mean, I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY scared. I'm downright terrified, because I don't want to lose him. I want so much to keep this going, because he's the only guy who has ever been able to see past all of my ugly faults and flaws. He sees past the mask, the front that I put up to make the world think that I'm perfectly happy and that nothing is wrong. Mark sees the real me, and he accepts me. All of me. Yeah, our relationship isn't perfect, but then again I suppose NO relationship is ever perfect. And he actually, genuinely cares about me... and I really care about him. So, I suppose that means that if I really do care about him, and if we decide that our relationship isn't going to work out, then I should care about him enough to let him go.

Not as easy as it sounds, especially when we've gotten so close. I want to be with him; I want us to keep going, to keep growing closer and not only become better friends, but maybe even something more, something that I can't even imagine... something wonderful.

Okay, I think that's enough for now :) later, peoples!