My Life Would Suck Without You

By now you've already noticed that I talk a lot about this person called Mark, who is my boyfriend. And you've probably noticed that lately I've been kind of scared and nervous about our relationship. That's because we decided that at the beginning of our relationship, we would sit down together before school started in the fall, and talk about whether or not we want to continue dating, and if it is what God wants for us. Yesterday he came back from a mission trip in Indonesia, along with 2 of our other friends (I thought he was suppose to come back today, so I was really confused at first when he sent me a text saying the plane had landed in Houston.)

Anyway, I got to see him for a little bit (we met at the mall and just walked around, talking. he wanted to try to keep himself awake for a little bit longer, since he was having to deal with jet-lag and a major time change.) And he had come up with a good idea. Instead of just talking about what we think God wants for both of us, we're going to write down the pros and cons of our relationship and discuss them with each other. That's gonna be hard; hearing all the bad things about me, how terrible I am at being a girlfriend... that could possibly push me over the edge... I already told Mark that I won't walk away, but that he should expect a lot of tears, because it's going to be hard to sit and listen to all my faults. Yeah, I know I'm not perfect, but still...

So, you know that song by Kelly Clarkson, "My Life Would Suck Without You"? Yeah, that's pretty much my theme song right now. The other day, when I was driving back to Ms. Annette's house after hanging out with Mark, I put that song on and blasted it while singing at the top of my lungs (meaning also singing very badly :P haha.) It's such a good song (hence why I titled this entry as such.) I know that in the end, whatever happens, it will be the best for both of us; God knows what is best for us, and He will bring both of us through it. But... I really like him. No, I can't say I love him... not really... I definitely don't think I'm there yet. I'm just going to keep praying that God will show me what He wants me to do... that's really all I can do.

Oh well, that's all for now. Pardon me for ranting so much, but I like to write out my feelings. It helps me vent :) later!