Confusion Abounding

Just so you all know, I'm going to try to make it to 100 posts on this blog before starting a new one. I'm already at 80-something, so it won't take long to finish this one up before I start the new one. Anyway, guess what? I found out yesterday from Nathan that Travis is ready for this to be over. He's apparently already found someone new that he likes (met her over the internet, according to Nathan) although Nathan isn't even sure what Travis is doing or thinking. Neither Nathan nor I have heard a word from him for the last few weeks (well, obviously Nathan has heard from him more than me, otherwise how else would he know all of this stuff?) The thing that hurts the most is that I had to hear it from Nathan, who is Travis's best friend, and on top of all that, Travis has been trying to get me and Nathan together, which REALLY PISSES ME OFF because he has no right to choose who I date, nor does he have any right to push his best friend on me. Yes, I like Nathan, he's a great friend, and yes, I did for a while have a "thing" for him, but... I'm just so freaking confused!

Confession time. Yesterday after me, Nathan and Endiry (Nathan's ex, but more like sister... they have a strange relationship) left the zoo and went back to Nathan's house (it has rained while we were at the zoo, so Nathan wanted to change into some dry clothes and we didn't know what else to do, so we went back to his place) Nathan and I started talking about Travis, and... well, we kissed. A couple times. Yes, Nathan totally took advantage of the situation, and yes, I let him, and yes, technically I was cheating on Travis, but he's already cheating on me so I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. Here's the thing: Nathan REALLY likes me. I don't exactly know why he does, but he does, and he wants to be with me. But... I don't even know what I want anymore! I honestly don't know how I feel about Nathan, because I've come to think of him only as a really good friend. Nathan respects me about this, and he says he's going to give me time before asking me out officially, but... I'm not sure if I want another relationship so soon, and especially with Travis's best friend, for Pete's sake! Like that's not awkward!

And then, there's this other guy. I don't know how he feels about me, but I think I might like him. We have a good time when we're together; he always makes me laugh, and he's been there for me through some pretty rough times. Like I said, I don't know how he feels about me, and I don't even know if it would work out if we decided to date. But... I think I'd like to try dating him, just to see how it feels. Don't get me wrong, Nathan is a great guy; he treats me good, he's so sweet and thoughtful, and it's not like he's not attractive (although, I'm not exactly a fan of guys with long hair and facial hair, but whatever) but... I just don't know how I really feel about him, and I don't want to lead him on (although I probably already did that when we kissed, but that's a consequence I'll have to deal with later.)

So, what's stopping me from asking this other guy out? Well, technically I'm still "in a relationship" with Travis, and Travis is basically just waiting for me to tell him that this is over. The next time I will see him will either be Tuesday or Wednesday, and I intend to have a little chat with him. There will be two choices for him: one, if he wants this relationship, I will give him another chance, and the second choice will be that this ends, and I'm pretty sure I know which one he'll pick. After all, "I Know Him So Well"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnjG1kUQtno