Late Night Ponderings

I should be asleep right now, but since I woke up so late this morning, I'm not really tired, at least not yet. So I guess I'll take this time to continue updating people on my life as it is these days. I just finished my finals for the semester and am now on my Winter Break, which is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that I'll be able to catch up on some very much needed sleep, but the curse is that I probably won't see Travis much this break. He's going to be busy being dragged around by his friends from high school who want to hang out with him, so I most likely won't be seeing him much, which is the exact opposite of what I was hoping for during this break. And that means I'm going to be bored for most of the break, because my other friends will probably be busy with family things (especially as it gets closer to Christmas and New Years) and... well, let me just say that I'm getting this feeling that my friends aren't too happy with me these days. I'm not exactly sure why, but it feels like my friends are avoiding me a lot lately, or really, it feels like I've done something that has made them want to stay away from me.

Now, I could be jumping to conclusions, but I think maybe some of it is because I'm dating Travis. A couple of my friends have told me that they don't really like Travis, that he's not a good choice for me, but they don't know him like I do. They don't see the Travis that I see. And I know my friends are just trying to look out for me and that they don't want me to get hurt or anything, but I'm not going to stop dating him just because my friends don't like him. It's not that I don't value my friends opinion, I really do, but this is my decision and I'm not going to break up with him just because some of my friends don't like him. My sister did that, and I'm going to try my best to not make the same mistakes she did. However, I now know that I'm still going to make some of her mistakes because I already have, but who I date is my decision, not my friends.

So, next week is Christmas and I haven't done ANY of my shopping and I have NO IDEA what to get anyone, especially my parents and Travis. I know that the only thing my mom and dad want is for dad to get a job, but I can't get them that. And I know the kinds of things that Travis likes (heavy metal music and computer/video games especially) but that stuff is so expensive and I have no idea what albums or games he already has, and I don't want to get him something he already has. And for some reason, I just haven't been able to get into the Christmas spirit this year. Honestly, I've been feeling really depressed lately. Nothing seems to make me happy. Being with Travis makes me happy and so does hanging out with my friends, but I won't be seeing much of Travis until school starts again and I don't see my friends a lot these days either, which makes me more depressed. I just hope this will go away soon, because I don't want to worry my friends and parents; they've all got enough problems without having to worry about me.

On a lighter topic, tomorrow my Sunday School college class will be having our Christmas party, and I'm looking forward to it, because I'll be hanging out with my friends and I won't have to worry about homework or having to go to school tomorrow. And I've got to go see Dr. Miller tomorrow afternoon some time to get advising for next semester (yeah, he's not happy with me for waiting so long this semester to get advising, but whatever.) Anyway, I'm tired now, so I better go to bed. Got a long day ahead of me tomorrow. Night, everyone.