Promise in a Sunset

Today as I was driving home from drama practice at church, I couldn't help but notice the absolutely beautiful sunset. I've been seeing a lot of beautiful sunsets lately, and if there's anything that God is trying to tell me at the point in my life, it's simply this: "I will never leave you. I will never turn you away. I will never reject you, or push you away, and I love you more than any man in this world could ever love you." I had an unbelievable moment on Sunday night. I was lying in bed, just feeling completely broken, unloved and in extreme emotional pain, and I started praying. I prayed, begged and cried to God to take me back, to love me again, because I know I've sinned against Him in such a horrible way, and lately I haven't exactly been doing the things I should do, like reading my Bible daily, so I was just feeling completely worthless, useless, and guilty, on top of everything else I was already feeling. I don't think I've cried so much since the night Mark broke up with me; I was sobbing quietly, not wanting my grandma or mom to hear me, but I felt like my heart was being ripped in two (strangely similar to the feeling I felt the night we broke up.)

And then... my crying began to quiet down. At first I thought it was because I had just tired myself out from crying so hard, but then I began to feel so... peaceful. I felt this warmth emanating from within my body, and it felt so good... so calming, so reassuring. Call me crazy, I really don't care, but I believe that was God. God was there with me, calming me and reassuring me. I felt so at peace, it was unbelievable. And I heard it:

"I will always take you back. I love you. And I will never leave you or hurt you or reject you. I love you."

That was the most wonderful thing I'd ever heard, because I honestly feel like I'm going to be forever rejected by every guy I ever care about; I feel condemned to a life of always being rejected and never being good enough for any guy. But then, God reminded me that He will NEVER leave me; He will always accept me and He will always take me just as I am. I don't have to change who I am for Him. And even when I fail Him and am unfaithful to Him,which happens all the time, not going to lie... in other words, I am a spiritual whore, always leaving my True Love to go chasing after something "better." But He has been and will always be faithful to me. He won't ever leave me, He loves me more than I can comprehend. Funny how I'm just now starting to learn this, and I've been a Christian for a little over a year now (my spiritual birthday is February 1, 2009 :) 

 Well, it's late, and I told myself that I would go to bed "early" tonight (lately I haven't been going to bed until 12:30/1 in the morning, so 11:30 is considered "early" to me right now) I just really wanted to share that with you, my dear readers, and I hope that my testimony and story will give you hope, especially if you're in a painful situation like I am. Good night! :)