"When life's unfair, when things like "us" are not to be... Love heals."

I think it's safe to say that I have a new theme song. Sure, "Take Me or Leave Me" is still a main theme in my life, but the one song that has really brought me comfort and healing lately has been the song "Love Heals." I guess it's because the song has such a redeeming message; that no matter what happens to you in life, love is always the key to healing. And I can honestly say from this experience that it's true: love really does heal the heart. And that includes all forms of love; love of friends, love of family, and the love of God especially. It's amazing how in only two weeks you can go from being depressed, sad, lonely, angry, bitter, furious and wanting to kill the jerk who hurt you, to being happy, and loving your life again. I think mostly it's because I've had zero communication with him in two weeks, and that has helped a lot more than I thought it would. Oh yeah, the first few days it was hard to resist the urge to call him, text him or drive up to the church to see if he was working, but I did resist. And I'm so glad I did. I think that if I had tried to talk to him any sooner, it would have hindered my process of moving on.

And now, tomorrow I'll be seeing him again. Part of me is afraid that he's going to try to talk to me, and I don't know if I'm ready for that or not yet. Heck, I don't know if I'm ready to even look him in the eyes yet. Yes, I realize that eventually I'll have to talk to him again, and that I'll have to look at him, but... that's going to be hard. Anything that involves being around him is going to be hard for a while, but I know that it will all have to happen at some point. At some point, I'll have to face him; I'll have to look him in the eyes. And hopefully when I do, I won't have a wave of emotions and memories overcome me, because I really do just want to put it in the past and move on. That won't be easy, nor will it happen overnight, I know that. But eventually I want to be able to have all of this in the past, and just be able to be friends with him again. Easier said than does, especially if I find out that, in time, I still have feelings for him. Which is quite possible, I'm not going to lie. I really did like him, even if he doesn't believe that.

I'm still trying to accept the fact that Mark and I will probably not date again. Yes, I know that with time comes changes, and in time people change, but I'm also trying to accept the fact that neither of us may never change, and therefore we may never date again. It's sad to think that, because I think we had something really special... but this is what he wanted, so this is what he gets. I didn't want this to end, and I think that's obvious to everyone, but it's his decision, so I'll just have to deal with it and not let it keep me from living my life... or let it affect me from having relationships with other guys. That's something else that makes me excited to be single again; I get to meet new guys ;) Since the break up, I've gotten this strange confidence when it comes to being around guys, and now flirting is becoming somewhat natural. It's so weird. I've never felt confident around guys before, but now I feel comfortable with myself and my appearance, something I've never really felt before. Who would've thought that the key to being confident in the way I look was in being rejected?

So, something really wonderful happened yesterday :) I was talking to my new friend Taylor on Facebook chat, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he says, "By the way, I forgot to tell you, but you're very pretty :)" OMG!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HAPPY THAT MADE ME?!?! That totally made my day! See, I wish all guys could be like him :) he's so sweet, even if he is a little shy, and he's nice. I hope I get to know him a little more, and I hope that I don't scare him away when he finds out that I'm a Thespian and love anything Broadway related. And I do hope that at some point this semester I can talk to him face-to-face. I mean, Facebook chat is nice (when it's not being evil, which is most of the time) but nothing beats an actual conversation with someone.

Not much has really been happening lately; I survived the first week of school, and I've got a boatload of homework that has to be done by Monday (even though it's Labor Day weekend and I don't have school on Monday, I want to have everything done by Monday so I don't have to worry about it on Tuesday.) Oh, and I've found a new manga to read! Brittney introduced me to this manga called "Absolute Boyfriend" and I guess it's true what they say: Boys in books ARE better! :D hahaha! Yes, there are two HOTTIES in this manga, but I personally like Soshi, one of the main characters (so yeah, it's official: I like Nerds. Call me crazy, but I have discovered that that is the kind of guys I like. I suppose it's because I'm really a Nerd on the inside :P) Anyway, I've got to go. Got a lot of homework to do tonight. Later, peeps! :)