Sleeping pills, Teddy Bears, Mood Swings and Break ups

Hey, everyone. Just figured I'd give you all an update on how I'm doing. I think I'm starting to heal; I'm not crying as much as I did the first two nights after the break up, which is good because then that means I might actually start being able to sleep on my own, instead of with my mom or my grandma. I may still have to take sleeping pills for a while, just because I don't want to allow myself to lay there, alone in the dark, thinking. That's the last thing I need right now. In fact, my mom just gave me one a few minutes ago (it's the kind of pills you have to take a couple of hours before you go to bed, so it can start working.) So yes, for the time being, sleeping pills have become my new "drug of choice" hahaha :P

Just a little while ago, my friends Rebekah and Sarah Cotter and their mom and dad came over to the house. I was out with my mom, shopping for some back-to-school clothes, and when we got back, there they were, waiting for me in the living room... with a giant soft, fluffy, cuddly teddy bear, and a notebook with a kitten holding a microphone :) it was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. They told me the notebook had a message inside of it, but I'll look at that later, before I go to bed. I am so blessed to have such amazing, wonderful, encouraging and supportive friends and family :) Everyone has been so great, especially Brittney and Nick. They have been my pillars of strength these last few days, talking to me, letting me vent and cry, and just all around helping me to start the healing process.

You know what's weird? I've been having mood swings. Now that most of my crying is done, I'll find myself really depressed one minute, and then I fly into a rage and start plotting my revenge on him... and then I go back to being depressed. It's so strange. Mom says I'm going through stages, and that it's normal for me to be going back and forth with my emotions. Strange... a week ago today I was happy and dating a guy I thought was the greatest in the world. Now, I'm single and plotting the best way to get my revenge. Mostly I'm just thinking of how much I'm going to make him regret breaking up with me. Someday, I'm going to be a big star on Broadway, and then he'll regret it. See?! There I go again! Depressed one minute, plotting revenge the next! It's crazy! And kind of creepy O_o it's definitely not like me to be plotting revenge on anyone. But I guess I'll just have to roll with it. As long as I don't try to put my "plans" into action, I think it's safe to say I'll be able to stay out of jail for the rest of my life.

Anyway, that's just a little bit about me and where I'm at right now :) currently listening to "Love Story" by Taylor Swift :] good night everyone!